An Ordinary Day…Still Dejected

I just came back from school. So, this morning I did a really stupid thing and read out a poem during English. I mean the English teacher was really persuasive. So, I read it and believe me…it was darn horrible. My voice sounded funny because I’ve got a minor sore throat and cold right now. Snap!

Oh yea, during the assembly I lose myself and shouted at a few students for not lining up properly. I even almost said the F-Word but then again, I have a high moral. Lolz. I mean it’s really hard to call the last class to shut their pie-holes. It doesn’t help that you are scrutinized by teachers and some ‘colleagues’ that took care of a better class; a class where the students doesn’t act like monkey.

I’m still a little dejected. But right now, it all seems so yesterday to me. I guess that’s all. I’m going to SS2 and then Port Dickson after this. That’s all I guess. I’m gonna give my ex-classmates a call after this and visit them if I’ve got time at PD. I sometimes miss the days when the entire Form 1 prefects was under my charge in Port Dickson High. But then again, I’m glad to be in my school’s prefect board right now. I won’t disclose any dirt though.

Dejected / Still Inspired

“If it’s over, let it go and

Come tomorrow it will seem

So yesterday, so yesterday

I’m just a bird that’s already flown away

Laugh it off, let it go and

When you wake up it will seem

So yesterday, so yesterday

Haven’t you heard that I’m gonna be okay”

Those were the lyrics of Hilary Duff’s ‘So Yesterday’. I guess when it’s over; well when you are never able to reach for it…the best thing is to let it go. And when tomorrow finally comes, everything that you have been through; all the ups and downs, every picture of dawn and dusk, they are all your yesterday.

I received a text message on my cell phone from one of the school’s magazine editorial board members this morning. It seems that I didn’t make it to the editorial board this year. Well, the little voice in my head had told me that I would never be in the school’s editorial board. I didn’t expect anything much since the short story that I’ve sent in last year (after numerous editing by the teacher in-charged and typing after typing of hundreds of words) wasn’t in this year’s issue.

At least I didn’t hold a high hope. So, the impact of the text message didn’t hit me that hard. Expect for the worse. That’s what that I’ve recently learnt. From looking at your reflection in the mirror and getting your History exam results…expect for the very worse. You will be surprised how much it will help. But then again, I am a pessimistic teenager. You might think differently if you are a very optimistic person.

So, I went to school like usual. Things had been okay until after recess when one of my nemesis asked me if there is a meeting later on for the school’s editorial board (it seems he is in it). I told him I don’t know because I’m not in it. Then, he asked me again. “Hellooooooooo!! I’m not in the Ed-Board! Does it ring any bell?! Do I have to make myself any clearer? Not…in…the…Ed-Board!” I told him. I am extremely sure that he was gloating after that. Oh well, if there’s Yang there’s definitely Yin.

“With every step you take everyday, you are closer to the inevitable death. Remember, the most precious thing in the world is the time that you have been through. Be it 5 seconds ago or 5 years ago, you can never go back to it”

That was what my school’s counsellor said to all of the students in my school on the official Monday assembly. It’s true that we are taking a step closer to death every single day. Why do I sulk over something minor when I could get on with life, right?

I might not be in the school’s editorial board, but while I was preparing to be in it…I learned a few things. I found what that I truly love…something that I’m ‘o-kay’ at.

I found writing.

I might feel dejected but there is something behind everything. I am still inspired to write. So much more right now.

Dawn to Dusk…I’ve Nothing to Fuss

It’s been quite a while since I’ve written of my day’s account in this little blog of mine. Filling it instead with short stories, introspections and articles that would surely drive anyone up the wall. Lolz. I was trying to find my way in my element.

So, I got up extremely early today to attend my younger bro’s takwondo tournament. Well, at least it is early to me. I mean the idea of waking up at 6am on a weekend is plain ridiculous to me.

I didn’t however displayed any attitude and just got my MP3,’Midnightners: The Secret Hour’ by Scott Westerfeld’, my wallet and cell phone and left the house. The essentials items that will assure me that I won’t die of boredom there.

So, I was stuck somewhere in PJ with my mom and dad from dawn to dusk today. Well, at least I spent some quality weekend time yesterday at OU. That definitely cheered me a lot. Gone was my entire Sunday today.

During my whole entire time there, I read finish the book I brought and eventually my MP3 run out of battery life.

That’s basically my entire Sunday.

P.S. Reading "Man and Boy’ by Tony Parsons.

When A Stranger Calls

BEWARE: Spoilers ahead!

Have you ever received any calls where the anonymous caller is puffing heavily into the receiver (he must have had a 100m run to the nearest telephone)? Well, this is the main problem that is discussed in the movie ‘When A Stranger Calls’. The remake of this 1979 movie is helmed by director, Simon West (Lara Croft: Tomb Raider).

In this movie, a high school student, Jill Johnson (played by Camilla Belle of ‘The Ballad of Jack and Rose’ fame), was grounded by her parents right at the time when her school was having a bonfire celebration. Yeah, I know most of you think that sucks a lot but that is what parents do (well, at least what American parents do).]

So, Jill took up a baby-sitting job at the Mandrakis’ residence where she looks after two of the Mandrakis’ children. The Mandakis’ gorgeous villa is situated at some rural hilly area and the place to the nearest civilisation takes about 20 minutes drive. After Mr. and Mrs. Mandrakis left for their dinner reservations, Jill was left with the two children and a maid and a beautiful house to explore (note that when I said that the villa is beautiful, I really meant it). However, things take a sinister turn when Jill receives calls from an anonymous caller who wants to know her name and then later wants her dead. The police later notify her that the calls had been traced and it is coming from inside the house itself…

This movie can drag for quite long. Unnecessary dagging that is. I mean how long should the viewers put up with endless scenes of Jill walking around the house and keep on receiving endless phone calls? Heck, the phone rang at least more than 20 times in this movie! This can get really frustrating all through out the movie (that’s right the phone kept ringing none stop until the end of the movie).

There were only a few notable parts in this movie. For instance, when the anonymous caller finally appeared and Jill fight her way out the house alive while protecting the two children. However, this part only lasts for about 25 minutes at the end of the show. The rest of the time was about the cat-and-mouse hunt that was played by the stranger. Oh yeah, there were also the clever concept of the automatic-switch for all the lights in the house and the guess house thing. There was also this really creepy conversation between the stranger and Jill:

  Jill Johnson: [On phone] You really scared me, if that’s what you wanted. Is that what you wanted!?
Stranger: No.
Jill Johnson: What do you want?
Stranger: Your blood all over me.

The acting wasn’t really bad, but it would have better if Belle could put up a greater performance. It would even be better if she was something like Michelle Rodriguez. I was expecting something like that but then again, looks can be deceiving.

All in all, there were some suspenseful moments in the movie. But you can count this moment with one of your hands. It wouldn’t be such a bad movie if you don’t mind the endless phone calls and Jill walking around the house scenes. If you’ve really got time to kill, then go ahead and watch this movie with a couple of friends. The girls might just actually scream and the guys bite their nails when the stranger chased after Jill.

Ratings: C+

Coming Clean with Clarity

The song “Weird” by Hilary Duff is played on my mp3 play list. I jogged down the street while listening to Hilary Duff lamenting about this life that is completely alien to her. Not that I care but I think the song reflects the life of a teenager extremely well. The whole clichéd “finding your true self” and confusing confusions about everything.

The sky showed a deep shade of orange. It had rained heavily before this. I love the aftermath of heavy downpour. I regard every raindrop as holy water that cleanses the core of the Earth (and not to forget the atmosphere that is polluted with dust particles). But then again, this is what that I solely feel…what that is whispered in the frame of my mind. The predicament and soliloquy that I had during my evening jogs will remain one of those secret parts of me that will never be revealed to the world. What they don’t know, they can’t use to harm you.

A raindrop hit me hard on the skin. Nah, it can’t be a raindrop. For goodness’ sake, it just rained just now. A few more fell from the heavens and straight to my face. Evening walker and maids with children ran about frantically as if the volcano of

Pompeii

is erupting. Before I know it, I had been soaking wet when I ducked into a shelter of a now deserted playground and joining a few other people who are sheltering from the cold rain. I checked my mp3 to make sure that it is still working. Two ice-cream vendors and a couple of kids who are complaining about the rain ruining their evening accompanied me in the shelter. Great! Stuck in the rain with no place to go…just what I needed as a prologue to my evening.

I can’t believe that I had actually been deceived. I had just been deceived by the weather! One minute it’s bright and sunny and the next minute it is dark and gloomy. What’s the difference between a person who can’t see the colour red and a person who can then? The clouds would appear as grey to those who can’t see the colour red. But then again it is me who is stuck in the rain; a person with no whatsoever defects in my sight. “My mom is going to kill me if I don’t go back any time soon,” a Chinese girl with long black hair complained to her friend. “What is taking my maid so long to get here? Stupid woman!” she further said. I was caught off guard by what that she just said. A girl whom I presumed is only nine years old could scold her maid this way. Well, I guess this is the 21^st century. The time where technological advancement is crucial and moral development is an unwanted potential.

Seconds turned to minutes and minutes turned to God knows how long. I am completely alone and dusk is officially approaching. Snap! I can’t believe this is happening to me. Why? Oh, why of all people, me? At this rate, I am being blatantly theatrical. I am not one of those people who develop a phobia towards darkness but with all the thunder, lightning and rain…this could qualify as an enactment of a horror movie. Call it unnecessary childish fear if you want to but I felt a tinge of fear then. Oh, deity of weather please let the rain recede so that I can go home. There is no denying that mom is going to give me a lecture that will last about a lifetime to me when I get home later. She had reminded me to bring along my cell phone before I went out for my evening jog, but being the teenager with a seed of rebellion in me; I left my cell phone on my study table.

I, a dark solitude figure caught in the rain. I, a dark solitude figure who’s in melancholic shame. I struggled in vain while making up my mind if I should run over to one of my peers’ home and asked for a temporary safe shelter. I guess that is the only choice that I have right now, the one and only choice somehow. I gather all my courage and braved the cold, unforgiving rain. I ran like I’ve never ran before to my peer’s house. In my rush, I didn’t notice an uneven road and tripped. Ouch! That hurts. I got up and cursed the developers for not providing an even road and thanked the rain sarcastically for making my experience more miserable and memorable. I got to my peer’s place and against my better judgement, rang the bell. My peer came out and quickly rushed me in. I saw a look of suspicions in his father’s face and realised that I must be looking really pathetic. I left five minutes later with an umbrella in my right hand after a lame attempt at starting a conversation. I thanked my friend and quickly walked down the street. There is one thing that is crystal clear in my head; I am never returning to that place again.

The rain slows to a drizzle. Great! All that I have to do to appease the deity of weather is to make myself feel degraded. I am beginning to feel the sore in my feet right now. I quickened my pace. What time is it? I am so officially going to be grounded. I ran and finally, eventually arrived at the front of my house. Here I am, home sweet home. I could have kissed the front gate if not for the sight of my empty front porch. I realised that dad must have went on a search mission for me.

There is no denying that I am going to face really ‘loud music’ from both my parents later on. I walked slowly and dreadfully in to my home. I went for an innocent evening jog and karma decided to get back at me. I guess that would be the best explanation I could offer them; the truth, nothing less and nothing more. I guess there is really nothing to come clean about to my parents. I was caught in the rain and disconnected from everyone. I was caught in the rain but here I am; a teenager with a better clarity of everything.

P.S.: This is a REAL account that I had on yesterday’s evening (April 15th). I had initially write a journal but my sarcasm got the better of me and I made it into a story. Purely fictional but truly true.

Alone (An Introspection of a Pessimistic Teenager)

The morning started off normally for me today. Well, I tried really hard to contain my anger and frustration.

So, my parents and younger bro left for Mid Valley this afternoon. I was to attend a party at 3pm. Somehow, with the stillness of the house and everything…I learned something about myself today. No, actually I found who I am during the course of quiteness in the house.

I love to be alone.

I don’t know why but I was filled with an ethereal sense of being. It wasn’t about my friends or school or anything. I had been this way since I entered teenhood. There was nothing wrong with my peers, the problem had been me all this while.

Or is it?

I guess I would have to face facts. I don’t think there is anything I could do about it. But hold on, when I was at one of my peers’ party today, I somehow long to belong somewhere. Somewhere where there is someone whom I can truly call a friend deep in the core of my soul. For a minute, I long to be someone who had a presence in a crowd. Someone who is not quiet. Someone who can talk instead of someone who sits in a corner alone and no one even bother to invite to play charades. Someone who is not a loner. Someone else who is not me.

Bring me back to reality.

I left the party and walked back home in the rain. The rain somehow brings me clarity. What that I had been through was an empty high for me. I had let myself get succumed into peer pressure. There is nothing I should worry about.

Finale to an introspection

As I sit in my living room while watching television, I got bored. There was no interesting shows on air, so I switched off the television. I laid down on the floor and look at the ceiling in the dark room. The calmness of the house brings me an ethereal sense again. My old self returned.

Sure I would love to be like the cool guys at the party. But then again, can I break the ice that is within me? Am I capable of opening up and for the first time build a real friendship? A friendship that is not about lies but about truth. I guess not. I am a loner. I love silence, that is the reason why I read books instead of going out and play with my friends.

I might never be the guy who get noticed for anything. But then again, isn’t the cast behind-the-scenes of a movie more important that the actors? I will always get the feeling of wanting to belong in a particular circle of friends but I’m sure that it will only be an unfulfilled longing. Therefore, I don’t want to aim for the stars when I am surrounded by thick fog. Until further notice, I will remain the guy who is isolated from everything, the guy who doesn’t belong, the guy who is always behind-the-scenes.

My life is a tapestry of forlorn hope,

Sewed with the threads of pain

and framed with the frame of vain,

I don’t dream my dreams

for they bring me despair,

I don’t look at my yesterdays

for all I see is a mist of nothingness,

Gone was my innocence with adolescence,

The rain brings me clarity,

Through all of my obscurities,

I had free my self from my past,

Freed myself from an empty lust,

I am wearing the crown to my present,

Until the time comes,

I won’t change myself,

Instead I will look back

and reminiscence of the better days,

Those days when I was.

Reflection of Two?

"Save my soul! I think I am being stalked by someone else mentally T.T".

OK, maybe I am being overly paranoid over nothing in particular. But then again, I am always paranoid about unnecessary stuff. One of the many hundreds ugliness of being me. I must still be on a high from the traditional remedy that I took. So do forgive me for the craziness in this particular entry in my blog.

So, I have been getting this ‘feeling’ that one of my uhm…peers are sort of like following my every ambition. Okay, maybe I am too overly perasan but I have a strong (and I mean really strong feeling) that SMB (lets call this particular person this name) is following (well maybe copying would be the right word) my every dream. I mean for goodness sake…SMB is not even interested, well not that I know in the oh-so-beautiful and lets not forget, crazy universal language of English.

Ironically, this particular person is involved in the school’s editorial board (something that is on my this year’s to-do list) Snap! This particular person also went to some seminar without telling me. How kiasu can SMB be?

Aaaarrrgh. Please forgive me. I just can’t contain all the frustration and confusion. I guess this is the infamous teenage angst. That’s all for tonight.

OK OK…maybe I’m a little envious. A dash of envy can’t hurt right? Oh snap! Isn’t Envy one of the Seven Deadly Sins? God, save my soul.

April’s Sky

She lives across the street, in a looming 19^th century Victorian house. There is no denying that she comes from a wealthy family, too wealthy to be true maybe. Meet April Summers, the envy of every teenage girls and the desire of every teenage boys. April Summers, the girl with the mesmerizing blue eyes and beautiful brown hair. She’s got skin so fair that teenage girls will go crazy with envy.

  April and I go to the same high school. At school, she is the head of the cheerleaders and the president of the Shakespearean’s Drama Club. You don’t need a nerd from Mathematics and Science Society to tell you that April Summers is super popular. In the so-called high school social food chain, she reigns at the top. April Summers, the epitome of perfection and beauty.

  But she cries.

  April Summers cries when no one is looking at her in her darkening room. She cries when she’s all alone and no eyes were fixed on her. How do I know about this little fact about April? Well her room is exactly opposite my room across the street. When I am studying, I could get a clear view of April’s window. I know this might sounds like I am peeping but who wouldn’t be curious to find out where was the source of the sobbing. Who wouldn’t be curious to know why the school’s most popular girl who reigned at top of the high school social hierarchy cries?

  I wasn’t left in blissful ignorance for a very long time though. It seems that April was a twin. She’s got an older twin sister named Amber. However, Amber was diagnosed with a hole in the heart at the tender age of four and by the time the truth finally came up; it was during the most critical stage. There was really nothing that could be done and Amber’s death at that time was inevitable. Nonetheless, April’s parents blame themselves; they said that they too ignorant that they didn’t notice that there had been something wrong with Amber’s ailing health condition. They were terribly grieved by the death of their eldest daughter.

  April had a very hard childhood. After the death of her twin sister, her parents somehow changed. They have a compulsive addiction towards their work. Mr. and Mrs. Summers somehow metamorphose into workaholics. I guess they acted this way because they thought that they could find solace over the death of their oldest daughter through their work but in the course of their change, they abandon the most important thing…family. They didn’t pay any attention to April at all. They grew richer and richer in the course of the next few years and at the same time, the family began to grow apart. It must have been stress over their work that made Mr. and Mrs. Summers to suffer problems in their marriage too. They hardly talked and there was no family bonding anymore in that family. There was no entry for the word “Family” in the Summers household.

  The only attention that April got is at school. She is a bright student and excels at her studies. She work her way up the social hierarchy through her cheerleading and acting talents. April’s happy at school but at the same time it was all a false sense of euphoria. She’s wearing a mask of deception. The truth is; April lives a lie at school. She was happy when she was together with her friends or when she was cheerleading but all of it is only a ‘high’ for her that only lasts for a short while. It bewilders me that although April Summers is the most popular girl at school, she isn’t an elitist. There was once when I dropped my books on my way to the Biology lab and April helped me picked them up. She even smiled to me and I was officially the school dork.

  Now even when I’m playing my guitar, I saw April Summers crying. I feel sorry for her but my role is only as a watcher, I can only see through my room. I can’t do anything to help her as long as she still keeps herself in concealment. What the future holds for April Summers is uncertain. I do hope she could weather the storm and somehow survived the raging chaos in her life. The world is April’s sky but the clouds hide that April Summers who is deep inside. I glanced up and look at the dark hues of the evening sky. I glanced up and look at the darkening April’s sky.

A note from the author;

This story came into my mind while I was doing my History exam. Lolz…kinda lame huh to think about something else when you are doing your exam especially the History exam. Recently, I get to know someone who is popular at school a little more personal. I just found out that this someone’s parents are seperated. However, this someone managed to keep himcelf in concealment and is so cool and popular at school. This certain someone is also a bright student. I guess sometimes you find solace through something else. Sort of like a rapture that sucks you in to another parallel dimension. I hope you guys enjoy this story!