Be Ignorant Not

Something always goes around you every single moment. There is not a second that goes by without something happening around you. Even when you are asleep, you might be in the confines of your sweet rejuvenating slumber but not the fine little things that are around you. The hands of the clock on the small table by your bed still moves in the clockwise direction. The next door neighbour’s cat will still creep under the gates to the streets and hunt for mouse in the dead of the night. The millions of microscopic organisms and cells still carry out their biological process in your body.

The world is in constant spin 24/7. Day will turn to night and night will turn to day. Flowers will bloom and flowers will wilt. Oxygen will be released and oxygen will be breathed. Peace will come and peace will go. Lives will be lived and lives will be lost. Friends will turn to lovers and lovers will turn to friends. Bonds will form and bonds will break. Happiness will turn to grieve and grieve will turn to happiness. These are all the things that go on without fail every single day. These are all the physical and spiritual anatomies of life. These are the things that give birth to inspiration and inspirations that give birth to philosophy. These are all the things that made up life and you should not miss out on all these things.

Now, whoever who told you that it is best to be in blissful ignorance is a complete idiot. As a Science stream student, I have learned that ignorance is not bliss in the field of Science. In fact, ignorance could prove to be fatal. For example, when you don’t use the correct method to handle the very reactive alkali metals, an accident could very well happen in the Chemistry lab. In the context of "accident", I mean waking up in a white antiseptic-smelling bed after you accidentally blew up the lab to bits and pieces. Well, of course I mean this in a fictional kind of way. No school board in the right mind would provide restless teenaged students with rubidium.

In the Science vocabulary, ignorance is synonym with the word stupid. This is because when you are ignorant of the chemical properties of metals or the physical characteristics of a reptile, you are throwing yourself directly into the abyss of doom, literally. Not a single moment must pass without you not knowing and not a single trail of formula must slipped when you are living in the complex world of Science. You must be in the constant ‘Know’ all the time. Open up your eyes wide and pay full attention to your surrounding. This is the most important thing that you must learn once you’re a Science student. It is always about the survival of the fittest and to survive in a Science world, the motto that you must implant into your head is: Be Ignorant Not!

I am not implying that we are all robots once you are a Science student. But then again, who wants to be ignorant, right? Who, honestly wants to feel left out on a certain issue that is going on around us? Who wouldn’t want to know the answers to all the questions that there is in the world? Wouldn’t it be a dark sinking feeling if you don’t know something? To feel that you are under this big shed that seems to block out the sun and preventing you from seeing the light, isn’t that an almost sinister feeling that churns in your stomach and leave an empty space there? Doesn’t ignorance bring about the feeling of being left out?

Not all the time I guess. The world is a painful ordeal that we have to face each and every day as long as we still live and breathe, I am aware of that fact and I am not going to deny it. The fairytales that we believed in only lasts towards the end of our adolescence. We started seeing the brutal part of life once we shed our innocence. The truth hurts. Everybody knows that. Not a single scientific process goes without a slight defect in it and not a single truth is told without the sharp edge of hurt behind it. The world that we live in today is not a beautiful one. The 8pm evening news could very well be my witness. Just tune in to the evening news today and you would know what I mean.

As a Science student, it is important to be in the ‘Know’ 24/7. You must not ever fall into the dark valley of ignorance. But as a normal human being with the tendency to get hurt every now and then, it is sometimes good to be in the dark. Life will still go on without us knowing too much things that bring about despair. Now, whoever who told you that it is best to be in blissful ignorance, doesn’t turn out to be a complete idiot after all. But let me add a word to his remark- It is best to be in blissful ignorance sometimes.

Let Go

Have you ever tried so hard to obtain something that you know you can never get? Well, I did. I tried so hard for something that I know will never be mine, all the while keeping the thought "Nothing is impossible with a willing heart" behind my head.

I tried and I tried but my attempt was to no avail. It was destined to be doomed. How is it possible to bend the un-bendable? How is it possible to expect silver to change to gold? How is it possible to sow the seeds of a willow tree and hope for it to grow in the frozen earth during the cold winter?

Yes, I was hoping against hope for the un-hopeable. I was deceiving my own self and I was playing foolish games with my mind. I let myself to be drawn to a lingering fire only to discover that it had long extinguished before I even got there. No, the fire only linger in one’s hearth in the heart…it never spread to another’s hearth.

It had been a forlorn hope at the very beginning. I suppose I knew it before I even got caught up in that fever. It was ignorance that aspired me and denial that kept me going on. It was a mistake from the very dawn of that attempt. The writing was on the wall but I’ve chosen to be blinded.

  I think I’ve finally woke up from this phase of mine. After a very, very long time, I had finally come to realisation. Why chase after a dream that is so sweet only to discover that it is a nightmare that trap you in the end? Why waste your time on a particular thing when there are a million other things that are going around you? Why keep on deceiving yourself when truth is already in front of you? Why keep on hoping for a forlorn hope?

It had been a heavy load all this while and now it is time for me to unload this burden from my chest. I will unlock the lock and take off the chain that had been binding me. I will break free and soar up high. I will blow away this mist of ignorance that had been clouding me. And I will untangle myself from the web of denials that I had weaved.

It had been too long and too painful to bear anymore. All said, written and done… I am finally going to let go of that thing that I can’t get. I am letting go of my sweet deception, blissful ignorance and the poison in my heart.

Goodnight and goodbye to you whom I have let go…

Deny, Deny, Deny

Denial is the best solution when you would rather not face the truth. Therefore, when we find ourselves blocked by a thick slab of truth that builds up a wall in front of ur, we choose instead to walk down another path. We would rather defy what that is right in front of our eyes that face up to it. And in doing so - we are in denial.

I’ve denied one too many things that I would rather not swallow the truth of it. I’ve denied that I had somehow allowed myself to be affected by the sin of sloth this year. I’ve denied that one of my classmates’ who was a half-underdog had propelled tremendously upward in the reign of the class’ "Top 10". I’ve denied that I am not giving my all-out effort in my studies. I’ve denied the subtle feeling of being left out with one of my peers’ now that he is already caught up in the warm embrace of his girlfriend. I’ve denied the fact that I am somewhat an idiot when it comes to certain things. I’ve denied that I am somewhat, in someway a loner.

I’ve also denied the reality that my world only revolves around me and nobody else. I’ve denied that my hand writing is like crap. I’ve denied that the seed of rebellion in me is growing more and more everyday. I’ve denied the fact that I might not have as much friend as I think I do. I’ve denied the fact that one of the class’ newcomer is one of my school’s most popular Chinese girl. I deny the fact that my History isn’t as good as I think it is. I deny that I can, in some little way, be able to be not completely hopeless in A. Maths.

I’ve denied that I don’t know anything anymore about my best friend from my primary schooling days. I’ve denied that I am in a feud with one of my classmates’ for some reason that I don’t really remember anymore right now. And deep down in all this denials…I think that I’ve denied that I might actually have feelings for someone at the moment.

The last denial is the one that bothers me the most right now. Well, of course I am even denying my feelings. So, technically in the process of my denial…it shouldn’t doesn’t bother me that much. I was wrong. I was dead wrong.

In my denial towards my feelings, I have been more and more caught up in my web of denials. The best way for me to untangle my self from that web is to actually stop denying. I can put an end to all my denials…but not the last one. I don’t think I can come to terms with my feelings right now. Heck, I don’t think I want to come to terms with my feelings. At the present climate, I will continue spinning a web of denials for that particular last denial of mine.

P.S: Fictional