Deny, Deny, Deny

Denial is the best solution when you would rather not face the truth. Therefore, when we find ourselves blocked by a thick slab of truth that builds up a wall in front of ur, we choose instead to walk down another path. We would rather defy what that is right in front of our eyes that face up to it. And in doing so - we are in denial.

I’ve denied one too many things that I would rather not swallow the truth of it. I’ve denied that I had somehow allowed myself to be affected by the sin of sloth this year. I’ve denied that one of my classmates’ who was a half-underdog had propelled tremendously upward in the reign of the class’ "Top 10". I’ve denied that I am not giving my all-out effort in my studies. I’ve denied the subtle feeling of being left out with one of my peers’ now that he is already caught up in the warm embrace of his girlfriend. I’ve denied the fact that I am somewhat an idiot when it comes to certain things. I’ve denied that I am somewhat, in someway a loner.

I’ve also denied the reality that my world only revolves around me and nobody else. I’ve denied that my hand writing is like crap. I’ve denied that the seed of rebellion in me is growing more and more everyday. I’ve denied the fact that I might not have as much friend as I think I do. I’ve denied the fact that one of the class’ newcomer is one of my school’s most popular Chinese girl. I deny the fact that my History isn’t as good as I think it is. I deny that I can, in some little way, be able to be not completely hopeless in A. Maths.

I’ve denied that I don’t know anything anymore about my best friend from my primary schooling days. I’ve denied that I am in a feud with one of my classmates’ for some reason that I don’t really remember anymore right now. And deep down in all this denials…I think that I’ve denied that I might actually have feelings for someone at the moment.

The last denial is the one that bothers me the most right now. Well, of course I am even denying my feelings. So, technically in the process of my denial…it shouldn’t doesn’t bother me that much. I was wrong. I was dead wrong.

In my denial towards my feelings, I have been more and more caught up in my web of denials. The best way for me to untangle my self from that web is to actually stop denying. I can put an end to all my denials…but not the last one. I don’t think I can come to terms with my feelings right now. Heck, I don’t think I want to come to terms with my feelings. At the present climate, I will continue spinning a web of denials for that particular last denial of mine.

P.S: Fictional