Clueless

I am feeling so completely absolutely totally clueless right now. It had been only yesterday when there was a sole purpose for my very existence in this world; to study and sit for the SPM examinations. Right now, at this very moment in time, I feel so lost. Okay maybe lost would sound a little melodramatic…let’s just stick to clueless.

It had been only yesterday (before 3.30 p.m to be exact) that my head was filled to the brim with the mechanism of blood clotting, the role of antidiuretic hormones and the sequence of mitotic division, to name but a few. However, my biggest concern at this particular moment is just to watch a marathon of Grey’s Anatomy on DVD. Lolx…it still comes as a shock to me and my body is still slowly recovering from this changes.

You know how it is that you always plan a myriad of stuff in your head that you will presumably do after something, and when the time really comes, you feel like doing nothing at all? Yup, I am talking about the pathological behaviour of human to un-plan their plans. Just a little dose of procrastination and reluctance and voila! You start un-planning your plans. And that is what I am doing right now.

I had been planning to brush up on my Mandarin after the examinations. Okay, maybe the term brush up would be an understatement because my proficiency in Mandarin only extend to me saying "Good morning" and "Good bye". The reason that I would like to pick up Mandarin after all this years growing up without even bothering about the dialect is because some of my Chinese-Ed classmates had gleefully called me a "banana" (bananas are yellow on the outside and white on the inside, go figure) and an OCBC (Orang Cina Bukan Cina). Seriously.

However, I have very good solid reasons for my predicament:

1. Both my parents do not speak Mandarin.
2. Most of my family members don’t speak Mandarin.
3. My childhood was mostly spent in Penang where Hokkien, not Mandarin is the widely spoken dialect.
4. I don’t watch Chinese shows on the TV.
5. I don’t listen to Chinese songs.

Okay, maybe the last two reasons are a little bit lame. Anyway, learning Mandarin had been one of the things that I planned to do after the examinations concluded. However, that is the very last thing that I would want to do right now. Maybe I should stop procrastinating and get to work.

In order for me to stop feeling so clueless, I am going to compile a to-do-list. I hope that would save me from this feeling of being so entirely free. It’s a little bit oxymoronic isn’t it? I mean people would love to be able to feel so free but here I am dreading to feel so completely free. Maybe I still can’t swallow the fact that SPM is seriously over.

Oh yeah, I recently discovered the sounds of Rachael Yamagata. She is an American singer-songwriter who released her album Happenstance in the year 2004. Her music had been featured on shows like One Tree Hill, Nip/Tuck and more recently on Brothers & Sisters. If you guys have the time, do check out her songs Worn Me Down, Be Be Your Love and Letter Read. The song Letter Read started off with the sound of haunting piano and the pace moves steadily towards the middle of the song. However, it is at the chorus that you will find the real treasure of the song. It’s like as if the chorus just drop out of the sky and it fits weirdly but beautifully into the song. For more mainstream stuff you might want to check out the song Worn Me Down which was also featured on the soundtrack of Charmed. Note her dark raspy alto at the chorus.

I’ll be going off to Kuantan in a few hours time and later in the week I’ll be going back to Penang. Whoo-hoo!! I miss Penang so much!! Lolx…it seems like as if it had been ages since I go back to that beautiful island. I’m just so glad that I will finally be able to set foot there again.

I guess that’s all for now. I hope all of you guys will have a wonderful holiday ahead. To all my peers who are reading this (I doubt there will be any though), do keep in touch and don’t be strangers!!!