Of Conscience and Desires

Desires, often time, can be very fatal. The rest of the time…they pretty much keep you on a high with anticipation. The anticipation comes. You are caught in a moment of passion and bliss. The next moment, the passion and bliss dies out. When desire have stop working its effect you, you run low on adrenaline. And then conscience comes knocking on your door. Guilt comes flying by trailing after conscience. From then on, everything else…pretty much sucks.

All of us have desires. It is what that make the world go round. The essence that gave birth to the first of all sins. It is the framework for a shrewd love story, the reason of a senseless war and the mother of all despair. Without desires, there won’t be passion, rapture and warmth. But, desires when work in the wrong way, can bring about disastrous effect that could put an end to a man’s life.

However, it is the aftermath that yields the greatest impact of all. Conscience. The action of your desires when work in the wrong way will leave you with all but conscience. The dreading feeling that you have done something wrong and that karma will soon hunt you down. So, what do you do when conscience lands itself at the core of your brain? Most people will go into denial while the unlucky few will go senile.

Seriously, you don’t want to get to the bad part of conscience. Learn to control your desires. Stop…pause…breath. And let the urge of the moment pass by. Trust me, surrendering to your desires might be a natural instinct but controlling your desires is a blessing. So, learn to control. Meditate or something. Contain your inner beast. Let it rest…put it to sleep and at the end of the day, you will be ridden of sins and regrets. Nothing feels better than a contained desire and a life free of conscience. Seriously.

Sense & Sense Abilities

I have a tendency to begin my blog post with the word "I". Gosh…I’m doing it again aren’t I? See! I’m doing it without any effort at all. It is a total unconscious act…hold…correction…it is a total subconscious act (I am very much awake, thank you very much) that needs no perception at all. This tendency of mine seem almost like an autonomic response everytime I begin a post. It just comes naturally to the senses. But then again, this is my blog, isn’t it? So it should come as no surprise that the first word in my entry should be reflecting my stuffs and my daily whatevers because in this blog of mine, the world does revolve around me (or rather my little small obscure world anyway). Okay, I might get a little self absorbed here so please, please leave before I annoy you any further with my vanity.

If you decided to stay…fine. Don’t blame me later on for boring you with my senseless routines and again, senseless whatevers. Whatever. It is becoming one of my favourite words nowadays along with the regular "Omigod" and "Seriously" in my conversation. Blame it on Grey’s Anatomy for the "seriously" and I-have-absolutely-no-idea-of-the-source for the "Omigod". These three words just like the "I" thingy is also a sort of thing that comes naturally to the perceiving sense of the mind.

Talking about "social life", I just ter-ignored one of my classmates at a Chinese restaurant just now. How High-5 (its an unofficial term for arrogant) is that?! Omigod…I can’t believe I actually did that. Where was my social sense abilities? That was a very cold and uncommon way to treat a peer! Well…uhm…in my defence…err…uhm…autonomic response! Gosh…how pathetic is that excuse? Okay, I wasn’t in a right mood that time and my hair was all down and flat like a kopitiam ah pek. Satisfied? I can be a real jerky social pariah sometimes. I’m sorry okay. But that was seriously wrong. If it makes you feel any better, my conscience is eating me slowly from the inside now. Okay, moving on now people!

So…yeah…I’m basically senselessly ranting right now. Hmm…maybe I should change my blog’s name to "Rantings of a Clueless Book@holic". I always thought that the name "The Soliloquy of a Book@holic" is a tad bit dramatic. All the drama element have to be credited for the word "soliloquy" no doubt.  Most of my peers can’t even pronouce it right. Heck…honestly…all the self-absorption aside…I sometimes mispronouce it too. Seriously, here I am, ranting on in a blog where the name is oh-so-dramatic but the posts are oh-so-whatever. A case of smoke and mirror if you ask me. Hey there…don’t judge a book by it’s whatever! What a perfect example.

Ooh…the Singapore Idol won the Asian Idol title. I don’t know…with all due respect he is a decent singer but there were better singers than him on that show. Namely the Indonesian Idol, Phillipine Idol and our very own Malaysian Idol, Jaclyn Victor (rock on!) A case of kiasu-ism? Hmm. I’d rather not comment. Action speaks louder than words anyway.

I just got back from Penang just now and I’m already missing it. Sobs. And I’m still adjusting to the fact that KL’s Milo Ais is so much more expensive than Penang’s one. Anyway, I love the way ices are served in Penang’s many kopitiams. They sort of squash the ices to pieces (to save cost, no doubt) and I simply love it! Personally, Penang’s ice is like tasteless, cold, hard cereals in your favourite teh tarik or kopi-O. It’s funny that sometimes it’s the little small things that you miss the most.

It’s half past one now. I guess I better stop my senseless rantings and hit the sheets. I’m gonna go for a quick morning jog tomorrow. Yay! Endorphins are good for the body okay. Furthermore, I need the happy factor to keep me at my senses and ensure that all my five senses are working at optimum rate. Lol. Until then, good night and good whatever.

Euphoria Fixation

My head is seriously deprived of all sorts of creative juices at the moment. I mean I can’t even spin a simple storyline to conjure up a short story right now. For the first time since a very, very long time, I am having a writer’s block. And I think I know exactly why I am facing this blockage of creativity…I have been in a state of euphoria for way too long.

No, seriously. I think my so-called writing skills draws its "strength" from my state of depression and despair. Oh, I’m so melodramatic…literally. When I am isolated from my peers and the rest of the society, I could think of a heart-wrenching story in my head and translate it onto paper the next day. I have to admit that I have a pension for writing melodramatic stories where at least one of the characters die at the end. Lolx.

Anyway, I wrote in to "The Star" newspaper the other day to ask if their offer to work as a part-time writer is still up. They replied today and they gave me a writing assignment! That was the good news. The bad news is that I must think of three topics to write for an entire issue of stuff@school and my head is full of nothing except for the word "Seriously?" at this particular moment. I mean seriously? I don’t know if I am capable of writing for the whole pull-out (Well, there is just 6 pages actually. It’s not Star InTech or Clove). I can’t think of any topics to write on.

What topic will be appealing to teenagers? One that won’t have them flipping the newspaper aimlessly when they read it? Well, I should know that…I mean I am a teenager aren’t I? But I can’t think of anything!! Gosh…

I text message M.L. and she said that relationships will be interesting. But if I’m not mistaken they did an issue on that already. Hmm…I think I’ll just leave this predicament of mine here right now. Anyway…come what may! I am sooo ready to take up the job!!

Now on a lighter side, I am in Penang right now!! At my grandmother’s place to be exact…the living area of the house to be more true to fact. Tee-hee. It’s so great to be here…the air is just so…wait a minute, the air is pretty much the same as the air in KL. The word that would be more fitting is atmosphere. Yup, the atmosphere in Penang is so holiday-ish and err…holiday-ish. Lolx.

I haven’t done anything much during my holidays except half-heartedly reading The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly and watching a truckload of DVDs. I just purchased some DVDs at Batu Ferringhi last night. Hehe. Ooh, and Dad taught me a little driving this morning. It was freaking stressful.

I think I’m going to stop here at this post of mine. Until then, have a great holiday ahead!!

Note: If you guys have any ideas about the topics that would be interesting to teenagers, do please leave a comment to me. Thanks!